Happy Mother’s Day!

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there! 

I can’t help thinking about all the mothers of these special needs ADHD kids this weekend. I wonder if any of the other mothers believe that spending Mother’s Day with your children really isn’t any different than any other day!  I just can’t help but think that Mother’s Day should be about spending time away from your children.  That would be a true Mother’s Day!!!   Spending the day shopping, at the spa, getting pampered, just being quiet, etc… 

I remember the last time someone asked me how many kids I had and I responded “Two, but they are both ADHD, so it is really like having four.”    People laugh when I say that, but I swear it is sooo true!  I love my children dearly, but they are high maintenance.  They are a lot of work. 

Mothers of ADHD kids need extra hugs.  It is a huge balancing act working with your ADHD child.  At any moment a crisis could arise that throws these children into major fits. 

One example I can think of is my 7 year old son and his need for  ”warm” clothes before he gets dressed every morning.  My son can kick up a truly major fit in the morning if I don’t warm up his clothes in the dryer before he gets dressed.    He just needs warm clothes to put on in the morning.  I get “it” and I warm up his clothes every morning.  And just by warming up his clothes I prevent a melt down AND a potential negative interaction.

I read recently that a “normal” child has positive interactions throughout a given day 80% of the time.   ADHD children have 80% negative interactions throughout a given day.  WOW.  Imagine how that child feels after one day of interactions.  80 percent…8 out of 10 interactions with others – children, teachers, parents, sibilings, etc…  8 times the interaction is negative in some way.  Wow. 

I can imagine my son’s day.  His ADHD in full swing…  I would imagine he gets told to sit back down in his seat a couple of times on the bus.  I wonder how many times his teachers tell him to stop talking.  He is a talker that child of mine!   I wonder how many times he steps over the line at recess?  I can just imagine him running down the hallway for the 50th time this year.  And I would bet he hears the word ‘focus’ a time or two during the day. 

Yes, I can believe that 80% of the time my children’s daily interactions are negative.  

When I put on my coach hat, I want to help parents work with their kids on increasing the positive interactions in their lives which in turn will help to develop a healthy self esteem.  When I put on my mom hat, I just want to cry because I know that sometimes when these children are growning up what “they” say is sometimes more important than what mom/dad says. 

So, when I warm up my son’s clothes in the dryer in the morning and other people look at me like I am crazy, or coddling him, well, so what!  It makes him happy and starts off his day in a more positive way. 

AND really, shouldn’t moms aways be in that 20%?? 

Namaste! 

The differences of us all.

I spent the weekend in Omaha promoting ADD/ADHD Coaching at the Omaha Health and Wellness Expo.  I met many people with varied views on ADHD and the multitude of treatments; some people don’t believe that ADD exists, some people don’t believe in medication, some people know what it feels like and quite a few parents are worried about their children.   There is tons of information to cover, so I am breaking up the information between people who attended the expo, and people working the expo. 

 

 

Attendees:

A few of the attendees I met were parents worried about their ADHD kids.  Two of the parents had kids in high school and were worried about how the high schools would not work with them on special allowances for their kids.  It was interesting that both parents were worried about the same issue, but took very different views about it.  One parent was upset and had gone through the protocol all the way to the district administrator with doctors notes about her son and his difficultly adjusting.  She was upset that throughout grade school, this child got A’s & B’s, but now was getting C’s & D’s because he was in high school and they wouldn’t allow special accommodations. 

 

Another mother was upset that her son was going into high school and his teachers were utilizing special accommodations just to help him.  She said that he wouldn’t get special help in high school; therefore, she didn’t want the teachers helping him in junior high.  His teacher was reading him the test questions and he would perform better as a result.  I guess I see both parent’s points, but it is quite disconcerting that high schools aren’t working better with ADHD kids. 

 

One gentleman told me that he had lots of ADHD kids ~ he was a corrections officer.  I was taken aback when he told me that, but it does make sense.  It’s unfortunate, but it does make sense. 

 

Another woman was interested in the differences between girls and boys.  She thought that kids grew out of ADHD.  I told her I wish they had! J  She said she is pretty sure she has it, and her daughter has a slight case of it, but they treat it organically.  We talked about self esteem, and how it is so tough on the kids these days.  I told her about a time when my daughter came home al upset about not being on the popular list at school.  We went through the drama of it all week and I tried everything I could think of to make her feel better about it.  It seemed to work but then she would go back to school, and just get upset again.  So finally I told her that she really didn’t want to be on the popular list anyway.  She asked why, and I told her that the kids on the popular list were fat and ugly when they grew up, and she didn’t want to be that.  Telling her that worked.  We never worried about the popular list again.  The woman I was talking to told me that she did the exact same thing, except she told her daughter that the popular kids grew up and married losers.   I found that interesting, and when I have time I figure I will analyze the responses to see what they tell me.  

 

One woman asked me how I was qualified to coach ADHD people.  I told her that I was training with ADDCA and had ADD and two children with ADD, and a husband with ADD.  I told her I had spent years in management assisting employees and that I had successfully navigated through life as such, and wanted to help others in similar situations.  When she asked if I was certified, I told her that certification was a lengthy non mandatory process that I was pursuing.  She asked what I made an hour, and I started to discuss the packages that I offer, but I could tell that she didn’t care and I told her 105 per hour.    I can’t help but think that she was a coach of some sort or affiliated with one and was just looking for info.   To a certain extent, it sort of aggravates me that she just didn’t come out with it and be straight.  I personally believe that there should not be competition between coaches.  The universe will send me the clients that are meant for me, and the universe will do the same for any one else.  I have to wonder about people who are competitive in this type of profession. Do they really want to help people or are they just in it for a buck?  Hmmm, have to think more on that one. 

 

One couple asked me about how much diet has to do with ADD.  I told them that while I had read quite a bit about the various diets and how they work with these types of kids and people, I wasn’t 100 percent convinced until I try them.  I explained that I was going to try my kids on the gluten free diet this summer.  I explained that I had tried soy milk with them, and it didn’t go over very well; they suggested milk from a farm fresh out of the cow.  They said that most states outlaw it, but there are a few that you can get away with it at.  I thought that was interesting, but not sure about it, 

 

There were others that I spoke with, but the most interesting and intriguing was a fellow coach who practices energy work.  She asked me if I thought that ADHD could be reversed.  I paused and looked at her and responded that I wasn’t sure about being reversed, but I did feel that it could be managed.  She told me that it could be reversed, and she had done it.  I told her that I would be very interested in learning about how she did that.  She even went so far as to say that the child she was working with was becoming more hyper because the medicine he was on was not effective anymore since they were reversing the ADD.  She said that she would love to work with me, as she isn’t an ADD coach, but would like to have one to refer to.  I told her that we should go to lunch to discuss further the reversal of ADD.  Not sure what to think about it, but I intrigued enough to check into it further. 

 

Whew, that’s it for now.  Tomorrow I will have info on the exhibitors I met and the interesting conversations I had with them. 

 

Namaste!

Allergy Season…..I need a nap!!!

Namaste to anyone who reads my blog!  (don’ worry, I won’t tell anyone!) 

I am so ready for a nap!  I haven’t written in a few weeks, I have been busy getting ready for a health expo that I am attending in two weeks.  I have a booth that I am working on and literature that I am writing to pass out at the expo.   Needless to say, I am swamped!! 

Anyway, back to the nap.  For whatever reason, when allergy season hits, I get extra tired after going outside.  It’s not fun!  Remember when we were kids and we hated rest breaks or naps; we were stupid.  That’s it plain and simple, we were stupid.  Now I don’t condone name calling, nor do I allow my kids to do it, so please don’t take it as if I am calling you stupid.  I am calling the thought that we had back then stupid.  I guess it goes along with if I only knew then what I know right now. 

I was back home for the weekend, and we discussed just that topic at dinner.  If only we knew, would we change how things turned out?  Sorry I can’t elaborate on our individual stories, but I can say, that there were some of us who would have changed things.  But would we really?? 

I find it is much easier to say that I would change the out come of my life so far.  After all, I just typed it, so technically I said it in my mind; but would I really change things?  I pose the question, because once I said it, and once I thought about it, I don’t really think I would. 

I find Randy Pausch’s quote “We can’t change the cards we’re dealt, just how we play the hand.” inspiring, honest, and true.   We are dealt the cards we are meant to deal with.  I was dealt a huge hand of ADHD.  Those are the cards I am dealing with.  Now, how I handle those cards is up to me; just as my children know that how they handle it is up to them.  (sometimes ~ usually I have the jokers for their hands) 

So, in the end, I don’t think I would change the cards I have been dealt, they have made me who I am.  And who I am is someone who needs a nap!!!!!!   

NAMASTE!!

April Fools! They are so cute when they try to get you!!

Today is April Fools Day.  I always wondered just where did this day come from and why?   My children spent the morning telling me that ghosts were behind me, they really didn’t have school today, and there were snakes in the bath tub.   Of course the snake one almost got me, after all living in the country, anything is possible!!   But I thought it was so cute how they tried.   At the same time, I felt sorry for their teachers.  I can’t imagine listening to the non stop “April Fools” jokes all day. 

I have a high degree of respect for teachers.  They have such an impact on these kids.  I often wonder if they fall into the attitudes of so many other jobs.  Like do they say, I don’t want to go to work tomorrow?  Or look at the clock all day calculating how long until they get to go home?  I have to think they probably do, even though I don’t want them to think that way. 

I want teachers to want to be there teaching these kids.  I want teachers to enjoy coming to work and not look at the clock once while they are there to calculate their off time.  I want them to love my kids as much as I do.  (Yes, unrealistic as it is, I still want it!)  I want them to be positive all the time and never make kids feel bad.  (unless they deserve it) 

I went to Catholic school when I was young, and I still remember being afraid of the nuns wearing the “black costumes”.  (Yes I know that ages me!!)  They were scary!  I remember getting the ruler on the hand slap in second grade, couldn’t even tell you what I did to get that.  The nuns were tough!  You didn’t mess with them, most of the time, you kept your head down for fear of them sighting you.   My kids would get the crap beat out of them!!!!!  The nuns would have a heyday!

I sometimes wonder if my kids have it harder with an ADD mom.  One one hand, I would be the first to break the rules.  Like letting my daughter use a calculator for her math homework.  Is that bad?  In my mind, I think that as long as she knows how to do it, what’s the difference?  If there are tools to help us get the job done, then why can’t children use them too?  But on the other hand, I also understand how their little minds work.  So when they act out and use the “my medicine wore off” excuse, I totally bust them and don’t let them off the hook.   I have to remind them that I have ADD too, and that doesn’t give me the ”free pass” to break the law!  (That one did come back to haunt me when I got a speeding ticket with them in the car!)   

Then there are days where my disorganization is a distraction to them.  Like when I get up late (which happens more often than I care to admit!) and we have to rush to get ready for the bus.  They often go on tirades about how much they hate me, and how much I don’t love them cause I am yelling at them to hurry up.  And I know that I shouldn’t yell at them cause it just elevates the situation, but crap before coffee ~ anything goes!!   

So maybe having an ADD mom, they live April Fools every day and they don’t even know it!   I think when they get home today and start in with their jokes, I am going to smile and think about how the joke is actually on them!   Out of all the mothers in the world, they had to get me!!!  Poor little sh#%s!

APRIL FOOLS!!!! 

Namaste!

Being different is the new black!

So, I am driving along on the Highway and I am thinking about what I am going to do when I get home.  The sun is shining, the temp is around 65, the birds are singing, all is well on the ranch!  As so often happens, my mind starts to wander to the various little pockets of interest I have.  The whole drive home I was thinking about all the things I should be doing i.e. laundry, clean the house; and all the things I wanted to do ~ go for a nature walk, take pictures of the scenery, tend to my roses, play catch with the dogs, paint the gas tank, work on my Spanish, work on my website……  

I could go on and on with the multitude of interests I have in things that have nothing in common at all.  I find it intriguing that I ever had a successful career in corporate arena.  After all, I was interested in so many different professions, accounting, sales, customer service, programming, marketing, etc…   As it would happen, I just “fell” into the quality path and it seemed to fit.  But I can still remember each and every time a boss or interviewer asked me the dreaded, “where do you want to be in 5 years” question. 

Where do I want to be in 5 years?  Asking an adder that question is like asking a baby who the next president is going to be.  Are you serious???  The pressure immediately starts fogging the mind, mumbles start coming out of our mouths, we are still wondering how we got here right now, let along try to figure out where we want to be in 5 years.   

Quite frankly, I had no idea where I wanted to be in a week.  I was floating along on my one person boat out in the ocean of life.  My little boat would float here and there and I would stop for a while and hang out and then get back in my little boat to float to the next place; never knowing what was next.  It didn’t bother me one bit that I didn’t know what tomorrow would bring, in fact, I didn’t want to know, I preferred it to be a surprise. 

Life was so much easier without goals, after-all, if you never have goals, you don’t have to worry about not hitting them.  If you don’t have the pressure of hitting goals, you can focus on the job at hand, whatever it may be.  I never liked having goals.  I was so much better at actually hitting a goal when I didn’t have one!!   

And others I worked with thought I was crazy.  How could you not have goals?  Where did you want to be working?  What job did you want to be doing?  How much money did you want to be making?  HOLY CRAP!  Enough with the questions already!! We don’t all have to be the same.  I prefer to not formalize goals.  I like them to be fluid.  I like to know that I can change them if they don’t fit anymore.   

When you have ADHD, you find strategies that work for you and you use them.  It doesn’t really matter what others think, if it works for you, that is all that you should care about.  I tell my daughter that all the time.  If it works for her, that is all that matters.  I try to impart to her that being different is far better than being the same.  After all, how boring would it be if we were all the same?  So I say “Being different is the new black!!!”    Let your different shine!!  Let your different be seen!  Let your different be free and don’t worry about the rest of it! 

Namaste!

Spring! :@ Allergies! :( Mommy Modes! :)

Spring is almost here.  I can feel it.  I can hear the birds singing.  See the little green sprouts starting to emerge from the ground.  The atmosphere is changing.  The kids are more hyper than usual.  And of course Allergies have attacked us all again!!!  

Yesterday I awoke at 5AM to my 10 year old ADD daughter (MJ) screaming “Mom, I have a bloody nose”.  Argugh….. All I could think of was that it wasn’t time for bloody noses, go back to bed and wait for another hour, then have it.  (Sigh, if only that would work!)    

 So I spring into mommy mode and begin the calming process of it’s OK, get a warm cloth, and lets lie back down and breathe.  (We do lots of breathing in our ADHD house!)  But then I hear my tummy hurts and I have a headache and my eyes hurt (and of course with all the drama it takes about 10 minutes to get it all out).  Hmmm, OK, now I switch to doctor-mommy mode.  Calm down, it’s OK, a warm shower will help your head clear & we’ll take a trip to the doc to make sure it isn’t a sinus infection, come here let me hug you…..

Whew…she’s in the shower, it’s working, crisis averted; a quick call to the doc and we may be able to get another 1/2 hour of sleep in before we start the day.  This ADD mom needs her sleep!   :)   But then,”Mom, I’m awake and ready for breakfast!”      Crap!  There goes that needed sleep!

It’s TJ, my ADHD 7 year old declaring that he was awake now and wanted breakfast.    When he is awake and ready to get his day started, I’ve learned that it’s best to just go with it.  Telling him to go back to bed would be like telling a starving lion not to attack the baby gisele.  So, time to switch into mommy waitress mode and I don’t even have to ask what he wants, it’s a given that pancakes or waffles is the order.  So mommy cook takes over and gets him his breakfast.  Then we get ready for school and off he goes.   Bet he won’t be tired all day, I wish I had a fourth of his energy!    Off to the doctor with MJ and let the day begin…

I sometimes wonder if my ADD affects how I switch up into to so many different modes so quickly without getting frustrated.  I always thought that staying on schedule was helpful for those of us with ADD, but I find it quite boring.  Sure it’s great to know what needs to get done and when, but I’ts all too confining and monotonous.   I like to be more adventurous and let the day bring what it will and just roll with it.   Then again, that may be just what has gotten me into trouble in the past! 

For as long as I can remember, I was always bucking the status quo.  I almost didn’t graduate from Catholic high school because I wasn’t passing the religion course.  (I had developed an intense dislike of the teacher and in true ADD fashion, tuned out the teacher and the course.)  The school called my parents and told them I was not going to be able to graduate if I didn’t pass the class.  We had a meeting with the school, and of course I had to point out to the principal they couldn’t not let me graduate because religion class was not a state requirement for graduation and I had already met all the state requirements.   Yes, I’m sure they were very happy to see me go, and I did graduate after writing a paper on the sacraments.       

Now that I am older, I realize I could have handled the situation much better.  Looking back at my life before I knew I was ADD, I can see many situations where I let ADD get the best of me.  There are actually lots of situations I could have handled better or differently… 

But then I wouldn’t be who I am today without those experiences.  Today I am a mom of many modes who deals with her children based upon the experiences from past.  Today I am a coach who assists others with their life’s journey.  Today I wouldn’t trade all those experiences for the world because it helps me help others.  Today I can appreciate the bad times with the good.  For today I realize again that everything happens for a reason, we just aren’t aware of it at the time…       

NAMASTE! 

Impulsive again!

So, when I discovered I had ADD, there were a few things that finally made some sense to me.  I can’t count the times I did something spur of the moment without thinking about it.  Not just small things, like ordering something different than I usually get from a favorite restaurant; but big things, like buying a house.  Yes I did buy a house right after looking at it.  I also bought my Jeep Rubicon the same way.  I told my friends I was going to leave work early and buy a Jeep, and that is just what I did.  I love that jeep!  I even made much larger decisions impulsively, like divorcing my husband. 

 With each impulsive decision, I never looked back and regretted it.  It is something that kind of amazes me now, but it’s true.  I don’t regret the decisions that I made quickly and without much thought.  I think my intuition sort of took over during those times and did what it had to.  

Today I did it again.  I made one of those impulsive decisions.  I signed on-line this morning and went to a local radio station’s website and looked through some classified ads.  I saw an ad that captured my interest, toy poodles, black, $200 for male.  There was a number to call and yes I did call and go there and bought one.   And yes we already have 4 dogs.  (One good thing about living in the country, there isn’t a 3 dog limit!) 

Now, I know that I shouldn’t have gone out and spent money on another dog when we already have four.  I know that I shouldn’t be spending the money on something that is actually going to cost more money in the long run.  I know these things but I did it anyway.  The voices inside my head said so what.  So what if we already have 4 dogs.  So what if I really shouldn’t be spending $200 right now.  So what if my relatives will think I have lost my mind again.  So what…

Being ADD, I have gotten used to people shaking their heads at me.  Always asking what was I thinking.  And me always saying that I wasn’t thinking, and feeling guilty for doing whatever it was that I impulsively did again, but not regretting it.  Just feeling disappointed that people constantly believe I am crazy while I continue through life believing I am normal. 

Because realistically, after-all, isn’t everyone just a little crazy normal once in a while. 

NAMASTE!

By the way, I am naming the tiny guy  ”Little Buddha”

Holy Crap! I have ADD too!

So I have two children and a husband with ADD/ADHD.  I wondered sometimes just how I had hit the motherload of ADD??  I studied the various medicine, alternatives, strategies, and support stuff.  I read up on how their lives would be effected.  I read about the horror stories of school aged kids and what the “system” has put them through.  I experienced my own children being placed at their own separate desks and not allowed to sit with the rest of the group.   I am not sure, but that action by my childrens teachers seems quite discriminatory.  But alas, I digress. 

So back in 2005 I decided to start my own business after much discontent with a corproate career.  I started life coaching and helping others find their dreams and change their lives.   Then in 2007, I decided to move into another coaching field, ADD/ADHD coaching.  At the time I figured that with the kids and my hubby being ADD/ADHD, it would be a natural progression and I have much experience in that universe.  So I join a coach training program late in 2007 and discover that there is so much to ADD/ADHD that I never knew about.  Like for instance, I HAVE ADD TOO!!! 

I find it unbelievable that I have a 10 year old daughter with ADD that is almost my clone and I never even imagined that I had ADD too.   This blog is about having Attention Deficit Disorder and having a family with Attention Deficit Disorder Hyperactivity.  Our house is insane at times, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.  I hate that they call it a deficit and a disorder.  It is just our brains are different.  Why does different always have to be a disorder??  Why does different have to be a deficit??  How about it being kick ass thing to be able to think differently than others??  How about it being the best thing in the universe to be able to look at things another way.  How about not trying to place us in a box?   

So now we continue with a different understanding and perspective….. Could be interesting.  Looking forward to it!!