ADHD Kids ~ 80% Negative Interactions Daily??

The school count down has begun at our house.  6 days and counting!  I have been busy making packets for their teachers to help them understand my children and ADHD better.  Their letters, resumes, and IEP’s are ready.  As usual I am still researching information to find the best articles or tidbits that I feel their teachers could use.   

 

Earlier this year I discovered an article about a study where researchers followed ADHD kids around for the day and compared their daily interactions with others to the daily interactions of non ADHD kids.  Of course I can’t locate it now when I want to pass it on to my kid’s teachers!  The article was written by a psychologist from South Dakota and I found it on the Nebraska special education website.  I thought I had bookmarked it or saved it and now I can’t find it, but I won’t ever forget reading it.

 

It was quite shocking to me when I read the article.  I couldn’t help but wonder if it was possible that 80% of my kid’s daily interactions were negative.  80% ~ that seemed so high to me; only 20% of their day they had positive interactions.  I remember looking for the actual study or any other study that could help me better understand the daily life of our kids.  I also recall a profound sadness and a sense of “not my kids” feeling that came over me.  I just couldn’t believe the numbers. 

 

Then I thought about more.  If you really think about it, these kids driven by motor, oblivious to “normal” social clues, highly sensitive and intelligent, impulsive and ruminating little beings most likely don’t have many positive interactions during their typical day. 

 

I thought about my ADHD son who is in constant motion.  I imagine his day at his desk fidgeting with his pencils, colors and paper.  I imagine him lining up with the other kids, his squirming in line, never staying perfectly still and in “order”.  I imagine him touching everything within his reach, talking excessively when he isn’t supposed to, and his little mind wandering with each distraction that comes up during the day. Wow ~ I would bet that his interactions with others are more negative than a non ADHD child.  I imagine his teachers and other kids constantly telling him to stay still, pay attention, don’t do this or that, stop touching things, be quiet, and focus. 

 

I can easily understand and believe that 80% of my kid’s daily interactions are negative in nature.  But on the flip side, I can also do something about that percentage for my kids. 

 

As their parent I can lower that percentage by my own understanding and interactions with them.  I can help to educate others; teachers, friends, parents, and family with the understanding that my kid’s brains are wired differently.  I can advocate that different isn’t negative; different is truly positive.  I can discuss with my kids the interactions that they have that are not quite positive and help them understand ~ so they can help others to understand.   I can help them to understand themselves better and know that they are truly extraordinary, spectacular, and amazing children.

 

It is so important to advocate and educate others about how wonderful they can be.  Many times these kids get lost in the day to day.  Through our daily interactions with them and others, we can make a difference and turn that percentage around.   I make a difference, my kids make a difference, my clients make a difference, and you can too!

 

Namaste!

 

PS  If anyone can send me information about this research ~ I would greatly appreciate it! J

I have been writing…honest!!! :)

Hi All!

I have been writing over at the adhdcoaches blog, so I have been neglecting this one. I am going to copy some of my blog entries from there to here, then I will most likely write more on this one and every once in a while over there.  Hope someone out there missed me!!

This is from 6/10/08:

Good Day!

 

I have been trying to write for a week now, but the weather has not been cooperating. As you may know, I live in the Midwest and it has been especially nasty this year.  There are flood warnings for my county and the counties around me, so traveling has proved difficult; many roads are closed.  We live in an old farm house without a basement, so we have traveled to my in-laws (literally 2 minutes away) just about every night when the tornado spotters are called out. 

 

Changes in routine are tough for the kids.  Severe weather is also tough for the kids.  The lightening and thunder are especially bright and loud so the kids have had interrupted sleep on top of the worry about tornados.  Kids with ADHD and lack of sleep are somewhat on the grouchy side and of course mommy gets the brunt of their frustration!

 

In addition to their heightened states of awareness, mommy is also more stressed since we have lost power three times, water once, and got hit by lightening so my router is not working.  Mommy can take just about anything, but take her internet access, and look out!!!

 

It is times like these where I need to stop and pause.  I learned about the power of a pause from Master Coach and ADD Coach Academyfounder David Giwerc.  I complete my ADD coaching training through ADDCA in two weeks.  I have learned so much about my own ADD and so many useful strategies that I use with my own family. 

 

We are a more cohesive family since I started ADD coaching and learning more about myself and my family.  Coaching has changed how I look at our family and how I react during these stressful times.  We had similar weather last year and I notice a substantial difference in how we are all responding to the difficult weather.  We are calmer; I am calmer. And that is the point of my post today.                                                  

 

As a parent, my kids look to me during these stressful times; how I react directly impacts how they react.  The calmer I am; the calmer they are. The more I pause to reflect; the better I become.

 

Namaste!

 

Happy Mother’s Day!

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there! 

I can’t help thinking about all the mothers of these special needs ADHD kids this weekend. I wonder if any of the other mothers believe that spending Mother’s Day with your children really isn’t any different than any other day!  I just can’t help but think that Mother’s Day should be about spending time away from your children.  That would be a true Mother’s Day!!!   Spending the day shopping, at the spa, getting pampered, just being quiet, etc… 

I remember the last time someone asked me how many kids I had and I responded “Two, but they are both ADHD, so it is really like having four.”    People laugh when I say that, but I swear it is sooo true!  I love my children dearly, but they are high maintenance.  They are a lot of work. 

Mothers of ADHD kids need extra hugs.  It is a huge balancing act working with your ADHD child.  At any moment a crisis could arise that throws these children into major fits. 

One example I can think of is my 7 year old son and his need for  ”warm” clothes before he gets dressed every morning.  My son can kick up a truly major fit in the morning if I don’t warm up his clothes in the dryer before he gets dressed.    He just needs warm clothes to put on in the morning.  I get “it” and I warm up his clothes every morning.  And just by warming up his clothes I prevent a melt down AND a potential negative interaction.

I read recently that a “normal” child has positive interactions throughout a given day 80% of the time.   ADHD children have 80% negative interactions throughout a given day.  WOW.  Imagine how that child feels after one day of interactions.  80 percent…8 out of 10 interactions with others – children, teachers, parents, sibilings, etc…  8 times the interaction is negative in some way.  Wow. 

I can imagine my son’s day.  His ADHD in full swing…  I would imagine he gets told to sit back down in his seat a couple of times on the bus.  I wonder how many times his teachers tell him to stop talking.  He is a talker that child of mine!   I wonder how many times he steps over the line at recess?  I can just imagine him running down the hallway for the 50th time this year.  And I would bet he hears the word ‘focus’ a time or two during the day. 

Yes, I can believe that 80% of the time my children’s daily interactions are negative.  

When I put on my coach hat, I want to help parents work with their kids on increasing the positive interactions in their lives which in turn will help to develop a healthy self esteem.  When I put on my mom hat, I just want to cry because I know that sometimes when these children are growning up what “they” say is sometimes more important than what mom/dad says. 

So, when I warm up my son’s clothes in the dryer in the morning and other people look at me like I am crazy, or coddling him, well, so what!  It makes him happy and starts off his day in a more positive way. 

AND really, shouldn’t moms aways be in that 20%?? 

Namaste! 

Allergy Season…..I need a nap!!!

Namaste to anyone who reads my blog!  (don’ worry, I won’t tell anyone!) 

I am so ready for a nap!  I haven’t written in a few weeks, I have been busy getting ready for a health expo that I am attending in two weeks.  I have a booth that I am working on and literature that I am writing to pass out at the expo.   Needless to say, I am swamped!! 

Anyway, back to the nap.  For whatever reason, when allergy season hits, I get extra tired after going outside.  It’s not fun!  Remember when we were kids and we hated rest breaks or naps; we were stupid.  That’s it plain and simple, we were stupid.  Now I don’t condone name calling, nor do I allow my kids to do it, so please don’t take it as if I am calling you stupid.  I am calling the thought that we had back then stupid.  I guess it goes along with if I only knew then what I know right now. 

I was back home for the weekend, and we discussed just that topic at dinner.  If only we knew, would we change how things turned out?  Sorry I can’t elaborate on our individual stories, but I can say, that there were some of us who would have changed things.  But would we really?? 

I find it is much easier to say that I would change the out come of my life so far.  After all, I just typed it, so technically I said it in my mind; but would I really change things?  I pose the question, because once I said it, and once I thought about it, I don’t really think I would. 

I find Randy Pausch’s quote “We can’t change the cards we’re dealt, just how we play the hand.” inspiring, honest, and true.   We are dealt the cards we are meant to deal with.  I was dealt a huge hand of ADHD.  Those are the cards I am dealing with.  Now, how I handle those cards is up to me; just as my children know that how they handle it is up to them.  (sometimes ~ usually I have the jokers for their hands) 

So, in the end, I don’t think I would change the cards I have been dealt, they have made me who I am.  And who I am is someone who needs a nap!!!!!!   

NAMASTE!!

Holy Crap! I have ADD too!

So I have two children and a husband with ADD/ADHD.  I wondered sometimes just how I had hit the motherload of ADD??  I studied the various medicine, alternatives, strategies, and support stuff.  I read up on how their lives would be effected.  I read about the horror stories of school aged kids and what the “system” has put them through.  I experienced my own children being placed at their own separate desks and not allowed to sit with the rest of the group.   I am not sure, but that action by my childrens teachers seems quite discriminatory.  But alas, I digress. 

So back in 2005 I decided to start my own business after much discontent with a corproate career.  I started life coaching and helping others find their dreams and change their lives.   Then in 2007, I decided to move into another coaching field, ADD/ADHD coaching.  At the time I figured that with the kids and my hubby being ADD/ADHD, it would be a natural progression and I have much experience in that universe.  So I join a coach training program late in 2007 and discover that there is so much to ADD/ADHD that I never knew about.  Like for instance, I HAVE ADD TOO!!! 

I find it unbelievable that I have a 10 year old daughter with ADD that is almost my clone and I never even imagined that I had ADD too.   This blog is about having Attention Deficit Disorder and having a family with Attention Deficit Disorder Hyperactivity.  Our house is insane at times, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.  I hate that they call it a deficit and a disorder.  It is just our brains are different.  Why does different always have to be a disorder??  Why does different have to be a deficit??  How about it being kick ass thing to be able to think differently than others??  How about it being the best thing in the universe to be able to look at things another way.  How about not trying to place us in a box?   

So now we continue with a different understanding and perspective….. Could be interesting.  Looking forward to it!!