The school count down has begun at our house.  6 days and counting!  I have been busy making packets for their teachers to help them understand my children and ADHD better.  Their letters, resumes, and IEP’s are ready.  As usual I am still researching information to find the best articles or tidbits that I feel their teachers could use.   

Earlier this year I discovered an article about a study where researchers followed ADHD kids around for the day and compared their daily interactions with others to the daily interactions of non ADHD kids.  Of course I can’t locate it now when I want to pass it on to my kid’s teachers!  The article was written by a psychologist from South Dakota and I found it on the Nebraska special education website.  I thought I had bookmarked it or saved it and now I can’t find it, but I won’t ever forget reading it.

It was quite shocking to me when I read the article.  I couldn’t help but wonder if it was possible that 80% of my kid’s daily interactions were negative.  80% ~ that seemed so high to me; only 20% of their day they had positive interactions.  I remember looking for the actual study or any other study that could help me better understand the daily life of our kids.  I also recall a profound sadness and a sense of “not my kids” feeling that came over me.  I just couldn’t believe the numbers. 

Then I thought about more.  If you really think about it, these kids driven by motor, oblivious to “normal” social clues, highly sensitive and intelligent, impulsive and ruminating little beings most likely don’t have many positive interactions during their typical day. 

I thought about my ADHD son who is in constant motion.  I imagine his day at his desk fidgeting with his pencils, colors and paper.  I imagine him lining up with the other kids, his squirming in line, never staying perfectly still and in “order”.  I imagine him touching everything within his reach, talking excessively when he isn’t supposed to, and his little mind wandering with each distraction that comes up during the day. Wow ~ I would bet that his interactions with others are more negative than a non ADHD child.  I imagine his teachers and other kids constantly telling him to stay still, pay attention, don’t do this or that, stop touching things, be quiet, and focus. 

I can easily understand and believe that 80% of my kid’s daily interactions are negative in nature.  But on the flip side, I can also do something about that percentage for my kids. 

As their parent I can lower that percentage by my own understanding and interactions with them.  I can help to educate others; teachers, friends, parents, and family with the understanding that my kid’s brains are wired differently.  I can advocate that different isn’t negative; different is truly positive.  I can discuss with my kids the interactions that they have that are not quite positive and help them understand ~ so they can help others to understand.   I can help them to understand themselves better and know that they are truly extraordinary, spectacular, and amazing children.

It is so important to advocate and educate others about how wonderful they can be.  Many times these kids get lost in the day to day.  Through our daily interactions with them and others, we can make a difference and turn that percentage around.   I make a difference, my kids make a difference, my clients make a difference, and you can too!

Namaste!

PS  If anyone can send me information about this research ~ I would greatly appreciate it! J

Happy Monday!

I would guess you didn’t think it would be so difficult to write a letter about your child.  I completely understand.  While working on my daughter’s letter this year, I had some difficulty in taking the strengths she has and turning them into positives.  I was thinking that her age (she turns 11 next week) has quite a bit to do with it. OR the Disney machine that keeps cranking out the multitude of Hannah Montana merchandise!! 

Allow me to explain.  My daughter is one of those kids who idolizes Hannah Montana and wants to be just like her.  (Yes just like the millions of other little girls out there!)  So she and I have been a little contentious with each other since I am of the mindset that idolizing anything that is overwhelming marketed by a large corporation isn’t good for her; and she is of the mindset that Hannah Montana / Miley Cyrus is the best thing since sliced bread. 

Of course, she wants Hannah clothes, school supplies, back pack, underwear, etc…  And it doesn’t matter how many times I explain that just because the pencil has Hannah on, it doesn’t make it write any different and doesn’t justify the cost.  I give her an example of a regular pencil costing about 10 cents and a Hannah pencil costing about a dollar. While she can comprehend the difference and agrees that products shouldn’t be more expensive just because of the person on the pencil; she also asked me if she could get Hannah folders and just regular pencils instead. 

Hmmm, think that discussion missed the boat a little bit, but at least I tried.  Alas, I digress!  So, when writing the letter about her strengths, I was having some difficulty separating my annoyance with her insistence on everything Hannah.  So I had to strategize some other ideas about coming up with her strengths.  Put my emotions aside and look just at facts.  The obvious answer was to coach myself into finding them just as I do others.  If you are having difficulty, try some of these to get you going.   

To help get started on finding her strengths, I decided to ask some relatives to tell me something that they feel she is good at.  I got quite a bit of good info there.  It is always interesting for me to see how other people view her. 

Then I found a strength finder site through Penn State that had a strengths test for children over 8.  I found the test results for my daughter very interesting and close to what I was coming up with on my own.  The test can be found here:    http://www.viasurvey.org/ .    It is free to register and different from the Gallup strengths that I have taken for myself.  I wouldn’t take the results as set in stone however since our children are always changing, but I would consider it helpful for my letter writing task.    

Another thing I did with my daughter was ask her directly what she felt her strengths were.  I find it an interesting and insightful conversation which builds intimacy and self esteem. 

Lastly I developed a resume of sorts for her teachers. (With her help) In addition to the letter I find that the more a teacher knows about your child, the more he/she can connect with them if difficulties arise.  We put such things as interests, likes, dislikes, hobbies, family info, and pets.  I also include a copy of our homework routine so they can refer to it if necessary. 

Once the packet is complete, I will drop it off at the school before their first day.  This will allow the teacher some time to actually read it and anticipate meeting my kids.  (I hope they anticipate it anyway!)   J

My letter for my daughter is almost complete, and I must say once I got going, it wasn’t as difficult writing about her strengths.  And really finding them wasn’t the true issue at all, but explaining them to someone who isn’t familiar with her that was causing me trouble. The difficulty now is keeping it short so the teacher will actually read it!  So, a couple more versions and I will be done.  How’s your letter coming???

Enjoy the rest of your summer! 

As an ADHD Coach and mother of two ADHD children, back to school time poses some additional steps to ease the “summer’s over” transition.  ADHD children have been known to have difficulty with transitions and my children are no exception.  My 11 year old daughter will be in fifth grade and my 7 year old son will be in second.  Here are my top ‘must do’s’ to help them and me start the school year off successfully.

Write a letter to your child’s teachers

Write a letter to your child’s teacher introducing your child, his/her strengths, and weaknesses with tips that have worked at home or last year.  Provide a way for the teacher to communicate with you as necessary.  I email my children’s teacher as needed to communicate things that happen at home that may impact their school day.  Important:  Password protect your email ~ I learned this one the hard way last year!!!   I also like to provide ADHD information as well to ensure the teacher is aware of your child’s special traits.  CHADD has some wonderful information to impart that can be found at their site:  www.chadd.org

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Practice run their school schedule

Try to get a copy of your child’s daily schedule to begin reviewing and walking through with them before school starts.  I set a timer and let them know what they are doing next or where they need to go.  We practice re packing our backpack to be ready for changing classrooms.  We keep a calendar for school activities, before/after school activities, and special events in a location they can access anytime.  

Communicate with the school nurse

Write out your child’s medical information, allergies, medication, common complaints, and possible remedies that have worked in the past.  For example, my daughter seems to feel sick to her stomach more when the weather is cold and it is time for recess.   My son on the other hand could be bleeding profusely and not want a band aid. 

Devise a homework plan

Discuss with your children their homework plan.  Let them make some decisions about when, where, and how they plan to get it done.  Allowing them to make decisions will help them feel more empowered to accomplish their goal.  I use a calendar with stickers that they get to pick out once their homework is done.  If they don’t have homework, they get a sticker anyway, and when the month is up hang the sticker filled calendar where they can see it in their homework spot.  

Re read their IEP/504 plan

Review their IEP/504 plan before school starts to see if they met their goals, what goals may need some improvement, and begin thinking about what goals may be needed this year.  Schedule a meeting with your child’s school support team to strategize on how they can be successful this coming year.  Include your child if it’s appropriate and the team agrees.

Review social norms

Role play social situations that you child will encounter in school.  Ask them questions about they will handle common situations; get them thinking now about how to react.  I like to role play situations that they have talked to me about last school year.  We also review how to make and treat friends.   A couple of questions I ask my 10 year old daughter are: What will you do if your friend is sitting with other friends at lunch?   How will you handle yourself if you ask to sit with them and they say no or there isn’t room?  What will you do if the teacher calls on you and you don’t have the answer?  What if you do have the answer and the teacher doesn’t call on you?  What will you do if the boys tease you about your new haircut?  It’s difficult, but don’t give them the answers, guide them to finding an appropriate solution. 

Create an organized area for papers coming home

There are plenty of papers that will be coming home, so prepare now for the deluge.  We one spot in our home for all papers and we file them in order of importance; papers that mom needs to read now, homework papers that we can go over anytime, and those we need to discuss that night.  Papers they are proud of go directly to the refrigerator for the week.  When the week is done, we file them and keep them as reminders of what we can accomplish when we have those difficult days. 

Buy extra supplies

Save yourself time later and buy extra supplies now. I like to keep pencils, erasers, markers, and red pens on hand for when they loose the ones they have at school. All the labeling in the world isn’t going to stop them from getting lost!  A locker organizer is a must have for my daughter!  And a superman/batman pencil does wonders for helping my son get his math done!

The impending school year can be stressful for many of our ADHD children, so anything we can do to help them transition and be successful benefits you and them in the long run.  Remember to celebrate successes, ask for help when you need it, take care of you and have a great start back to school! 

It is difficult to believe, but school is just 5 weeks away!  More difficult to believe is our first minor/major injury happened this week.  As any parent of an ADHD child can tell you, injuries are just part of the territory.  My hyperactive son is always getting bruised, cut, scraped, or banged up.  It is just a part of who he is. 

Last summer he ran into a bird bath at my parent’s house and got 6 staples in his head.  This time he almost knocked his front tooth out.  He was building a ramp of some sort and it fell and then he fell into the top part of the ramp.  I was inside the house doing the dishes after dinner when all of a sudden he bursts into the kitchen, screaming and crying, blood dripping everywhere!    

I could feel my blood pressure rise and panic beginning to set in.  The one thing that truly scares me the most about being in the country is being so far from emergency medical help.  In the city, you are 5 – 10 minutes away from an emergency facility with professionals who can help you; in the country, it’s 30 – 40 minutes. 

However, what I find interesting is that somewhere inside me is a general who is very calm during the initial panic of an injury.  Inside, I was TENSE wondering just what had happened, why was there so much blood, and how was I going to explain to him that he did need to see a doctor knowing how much he hated the staples last year.

My thoughts were so quick that I barely had time to panic!  I calmly told him that he needed to calm down and let me see what had happened.  He did, but not without saying “The doctor can’t put staples in your mouth can he?”  I told him that he needed to be calm, let me look, and we were going to put ice on it, then we would see if he needed to go to the doctor.      

Looking at his mouth, I got that queasy feeling that maybe we were headed to the hospital, but I wasn’t sure if they could do anything since it looked like little cuts on either side of his tooth.  It definitely looked like it HURT a lot!!  And a little harder hit, that tooth could have been gone! 

I ended up not taking him to the doctor after conferring with his dad. (Who thinks that I baby him too much anyway?)  It was late and the bleeding stopped relatively quickly.  I figured that a dentist would most likely take hours to locate and even more time to come in to see him, so we would wait until morning to see how he did through the night.  

Everything turned out OK.  The tooth isn’t loose and is healing quite nicely.  He was very lucky this time.

As his mother, I know that injuries are part of the mix, but I wish he could try and be a little more careful.  As a coach, I know that he is driven by motor and has no brakes.  So I can remind him about the staples when I see him getting over zealous and sometimes it works, but sometimes he keeps on going! 

Note to self:  Update first aid kit!

Namaste!

summer Injury

Well, let me tell you!  It’s great…in my imagination! 

 Recently I was asked what it was like to have perfectly well behaved ADHD children.  My reply was what would make you believe that my children were perfectly well behaved?  “Well, you are an ADHD coach; I just assumed that your children are well behaved ADHD kids.”   I thought for a second, and replied with “Do doctors ever get sick?”  To which she said “Yes, I guess they do.”   

Believing that my children are perfectly behaved ADHD kids because I am an ADHD coach is like believing that Doctors or their kids never get sick.  Doctors get sick, their kids get sick, and my children’s behavior is just like any other ADHD child.  Actually any child for that matter. 

Sometimes I wish my children came with a user’s manual.  Wouldn’t that be fabulous!  Just go to page 945 to see what to do when your child tells you no for the 15^th time.   Page 1128 tells you what to do when your child “helps” you by cleaning the bathtub with shampoo.  Page 2646 tells you what to do when your child lies about taking dads tools out of the tool box and placing them under his bed.   

It would be great to have all the answers, but just like any other parent ADHD or otherwise, I don’t have them all.  Honestly, if I met someone who had all the answers, I would be quite leery.  Personally, I don’t believe that anyone has ALL the answers.  If they did, could they be human? 

As human beings, we all come from different places, have different experiences, believe different things, think different ways, live different lives and love different ways.  That is what I believe makes humanity awesome.  Sure there are some bad apples in the basket; just cut those pieces out and the apple is still good. 

I like to think that I help people cut those bad pieces out.  Cut out the negativity, the stuff that doesn’t serve you or anyone else.   Coaching is my passion and I love helping others be the best that they can be.  It is why I am here in this universe right now in a world that sometimes dwells on the negative.  Dwell on the positive, look for it, savor it, live it, change your path.  Or not…It’s your choice!

Namaste!

Hi All!

I have been writing over at the adhdcoaches blog, so I have been neglecting this one. I am going to copy some of my blog entries from there to here, then I will most likely write more on this one and every once in a while over there.  Hope someone out there missed me!!

This is from 6/10/08:

Good Day!

I have been trying to write for a week now, but the weather has not been cooperating. As you may know, I live in the Midwest and it has been especially nasty this year.  There are flood warnings for my county and the counties around me, so traveling has proved difficult; many roads are closed.  We live in an old farm house without a basement, so we have traveled to my in-laws (literally 2 minutes away) just about every night when the tornado spotters are called out. 

Changes in routine are tough for the kids.  Severe weather is also tough for the kids.  The lightening and thunder are especially bright and loud so the kids have had interrupted sleep on top of the worry about tornados.  Kids with ADHD and lack of sleep are somewhat on the grouchy side and of course mommy gets the brunt of their frustration!

In addition to their heightened states of awareness, mommy is also more stressed since we have lost power three times, water once, and got hit by lightening so my router is not working.  Mommy can take just about anything, but take her internet access, and look out!!!

It is times like these where I need to stop and pause.  I learned about the power of a pause from Master Coach and ADD Coach Academyfounder David Giwerc.  I complete my ADD coaching training through ADDCA in two weeks.  I have learned so much about my own ADD and so many useful strategies that I use with my own family. 

We are a more cohesive family since I started ADD coaching and learning more about myself and my family.  Coaching has changed how I look at our family and how I react during these stressful times.  We had similar weather last year and I notice a substantial difference in how we are all responding to the difficult weather.  We are calmer; I am calmer. And that is the point of my post today.                                                  

As a parent, my kids look to me during these stressful times; how I react directly impacts how they react.  The calmer I am; the calmer they are. The more I pause to reflect; the better I become.

Namaste!

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there! 

I can’t help thinking about all the mothers of these special needs ADHD kids this weekend. I wonder if any of the other mothers believe that spending Mother’s Day with your children really isn’t any different than any other day!  I just can’t help but think that Mother’s Day should be about spending time away from your children.  That would be a true Mother’s Day!!!   Spending the day shopping, at the spa, getting pampered, just being quiet, etc… 

I remember the last time someone asked me how many kids I had and I responded “Two, but they are both ADHD, so it is really like having four.”    People laugh when I say that, but I swear it is sooo true!  I love my children dearly, but they are high maintenance.  They are a lot of work. 

Mothers of ADHD kids need extra hugs.  It is a huge balancing act working with your ADHD child.  At any moment a crisis could arise that throws these children into major fits. 

One example I can think of is my 7 year old son and his need for  ”warm” clothes before he gets dressed every morning.  My son can kick up a truly major fit in the morning if I don’t warm up his clothes in the dryer before he gets dressed.    He just needs warm clothes to put on in the morning.  I get “it” and I warm up his clothes every morning.  And just by warming up his clothes I prevent a melt down AND a potential negative interaction.

I read recently that a “normal” child has positive interactions throughout a given day 80% of the time.   ADHD children have 80% negative interactions throughout a given day.  WOW.  Imagine how that child feels after one day of interactions.  80 percent…8 out of 10 interactions with others – children, teachers, parents, sibilings, etc…  8 times the interaction is negative in some way.  Wow. 

I can imagine my son’s day.  His ADHD in full swing…  I would imagine he gets told to sit back down in his seat a couple of times on the bus.  I wonder how many times his teachers tell him to stop talking.  He is a talker that child of mine!   I wonder how many times he steps over the line at recess?  I can just imagine him running down the hallway for the 50th time this year.  And I would bet he hears the word ‘focus’ a time or two during the day. 

Yes, I can believe that 80% of the time my children’s daily interactions are negative.  

When I put on my coach hat, I want to help parents work with their kids on increasing the positive interactions in their lives which in turn will help to develop a healthy self esteem.  When I put on my mom hat, I just want to cry because I know that sometimes when these children are growning up what “they” say is sometimes more important than what mom/dad says. 

So, when I warm up my son’s clothes in the dryer in the morning and other people look at me like I am crazy, or coddling him, well, so what!  It makes him happy and starts off his day in a more positive way. 

AND really, shouldn’t moms aways be in that 20%?? 

Namaste! 

There truly aren’t more frightening words to come from my son other than “You aren’t going to be mad at me are you?”  But just how I can be hearing those words so early on a Monday morning is beyond me. I would normally call this a good morning.  The kids got up, dressed, ate breakfast, and were ready for school in record time.  Actually we were early and they had a few extra minutes before we had to leave the house. 

AND therein lies the problem!  He had a few extra minutes to be free and unsupervised while mom helped sister with her hair.  It was pretty quiet, that usually is the sign that something bad has happened.  I call him so we can head out the door, and he doesn’t come.  Not too unusual since we have a 3 time call minimum.  I call the 3 times, and still no Trevor.  Hmmm, Intuitively I know that’s trouble. 

Breath in calm air, breath out apprehension….

So, the choice I have to make in those split seconds after hearing those words is do I laugh because I know he’s done it again, do I get angry because I know he’s done it again, or do I calmly tell him I won’t get mad because I know he’s done it again. 

So I tell him, “Of course I won’t get mad, how do you know the little silver balls can break glass?”  And he takes me over to the corn stove we have. (country thing ~ great heat)  And the glass on the front of the corn stove, the glass that withstands flame and heat so hot it could melt metal, is cracked all the way across.  And I ask, “How did that happen?”  And again, I hear those words that actually do make me laugh if for nothing else than sheer emotion anymore “Mom, you aren’t mad are you?”.  Hmmm, of course I am mad, but to him, me being mad is catastrophic.  So, no I am not mad my beautiful son, but isn’t it time for the bus?????   

These type of situations happen with ADHD kids all the time.  I can’t count the number of times I hear those words and get that apprehensive look from my son .  And as his mother, I choose how the interaction is going to happen…  Should I react with anger and aggression, he will react the same back to me.  That certainly doesn’t get us anywhere.  Should I react calmly and quietly explaining why we don’t throw little silver balls in the house anymore, and he will receive my message calmly and quietly.  (OK, he is never quiet, but I will take all the calm I can get.) 

The glass is already broken, there’s nothing that can un-break it now.  It’s going to be expensive to replace it.  The only good thing about it ~ spring is here and it was time to put it away for the summer anyway.   My reaction is pivotal to how both our days are going to go.  And my reaction is pivotal to his self esteem.  

Self esteem for kids with ADHD is a huge issue.  I believe it may be the most important issue they have to deal with throughout their lives.  It isn’t too difficult to find examples of what low self esteem gets these kids.  What is difficult to find is strategies to help raise their self esteem. 

As a parent, my goal is to raise kids with a healthy self esteem.  That’s a tough job, but I sort of signed up for it when I had them.  It’s like Randy Pausch said in his book “The Last Lecture”; you can’t change the cards you are dealt, just how you play them.  If I play them right, the rewards are plentiful, but if I play them wrong, the consequences are severe.  And we are all impacted either way. 

So, when my son breaks the glass on the corn stove, well, I react calmly and go with the flow and hopefully save a “hit” to his self esteem today!  And try and figure out just how I am going to tell his father about his latest mishap!

Namaste!

Namaste to anyone who reads my blog!  (don’ worry, I won’t tell anyone!) 

I am so ready for a nap!  I haven’t written in a few weeks, I have been busy getting ready for a health expo that I am attending in two weeks.  I have a booth that I am working on and literature that I am writing to pass out at the expo.   Needless to say, I am swamped!! 

Anyway, back to the nap.  For whatever reason, when allergy season hits, I get extra tired after going outside.  It’s not fun!  Remember when we were kids and we hated rest breaks or naps; we were stupid.  That’s it plain and simple, we were stupid.  Now I don’t condone name calling, nor do I allow my kids to do it, so please don’t take it as if I am calling you stupid.  I am calling the thought that we had back then stupid.  I guess it goes along with if I only knew then what I know right now. 

I was back home for the weekend, and we discussed just that topic at dinner.  If only we knew, would we change how things turned out?  Sorry I can’t elaborate on our individual stories, but I can say, that there were some of us who would have changed things.  But would we really?? 

I find it is much easier to say that I would change the out come of my life so far.  After all, I just typed it, so technically I said it in my mind; but would I really change things?  I pose the question, because once I said it, and once I thought about it, I don’t really think I would. 

I find Randy Pausch’s quote “We can’t change the cards we’re dealt, just how we play the hand.” inspiring, honest, and true.   We are dealt the cards we are meant to deal with.  I was dealt a huge hand of ADHD.  Those are the cards I am dealing with.  Now, how I handle those cards is up to me; just as my children know that how they handle it is up to them.  (sometimes ~ usually I have the jokers for their hands) 

So, in the end, I don’t think I would change the cards I have been dealt, they have made me who I am.  And who I am is someone who needs a nap!!!!!!   

NAMASTE!!

What is happening in the world when third graders are plotting to kill their teacher.  My day started with reading a news article on Fox News about “Special Education” children plotting to kill their teacher.  Apparently they brought a broken knife, hand cuffs, and duct tape to school to get the job done.   Damn, those Georgia kids are rough! 

It’s bad enough for something like this to happen, but why do we have to point out that the children are “special education” children.  What does that have to do with anything?  Does that make the plot especially interesting?  Does that make what they did expected?  Does it make what they did so outrageous that we should not let those “special” kids in our regular schools??? 

Yes, I am sort of upset after reading the article.  According to Fox News ~ “The alleged target is a veteran educator who teaches third-grade students with a range of learning disabilities, including attention deficit disorder, delayed development and hyperactivity, friends and parents said.”   So, again, why is that important to know?  Are we saying that “normal” or “regular” third graders would never had done something so heinous?  It’s those damn hyperactive kids causing the trouble.  They should be banned!!  After all, why should all the “normal” kids have to be subjected to their antics!  They are obviously a bad influence on the “regular” kids. 

WHATEVER!!!  What I find quite disturbing is that any third graders would come up with something like this.  I would have to say that the young girl who hatched the plot as revenge (according to the article ~ http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,344369,00.html)  apparently has some issues to resolve, but she could have been any number of kids.  Not just one of those special education kids.

The same thing happened last December with the Omaha, NE mall shooting.  As more and more details came out about that boy (teenager) it was discovered that he had ADHD and did not have a great family upbringing.  Why again do we need to point out that he had ADHD.  It certainly doesn’t change what happened.  The grieving families aren’t going to be impacted one way or the other by the news.  I cringed then as I heard news accounts about the “monster” with ADHD. 

I believe that we need to be very careful when labeling people.  Yes this kid had ADHD, but he also had brown eyes &  brown hair and he worked at a McDonald’s.   Again, doesn’t have anything to do with the crime he committed.  Isn’t going to bring back any of the 9 people he killed.  And not all of the sensationalist killers of the recent past have had ADHD. 

I think that there is something more neurologically off balance with people who plot or carry out these sensationalist crimes.  There is something off with the way they are thinking.   And the third grader, how can we even expect to believe that this child knew what she was doing?  She is in third grade.  I can’t remember third grade myself, but I have a forth grader, and I know that there is some reality that she just hasn’t gotten yet. 

More and more news outlets are digging for dirt to bring the “news” to the rest of the world.  Personally, I think the 1950’s approach of not telling the whole truth was much better for society.  Giving people more information than is truly necessary doesn’t accomplish anything positive.  It certainly doesn’t change anything either….or does it….maybe it does after all…….maybe it just might change people’s attitudes….