ADHD Kids ~ 80% Negative Interactions Daily??

The school count down has begun at our house.  6 days and counting!  I have been busy making packets for their teachers to help them understand my children and ADHD better.  Their letters, resumes, and IEP’s are ready.  As usual I am still researching information to find the best articles or tidbits that I feel their teachers could use.   

 

Earlier this year I discovered an article about a study where researchers followed ADHD kids around for the day and compared their daily interactions with others to the daily interactions of non ADHD kids.  Of course I can’t locate it now when I want to pass it on to my kid’s teachers!  The article was written by a psychologist from South Dakota and I found it on the Nebraska special education website.  I thought I had bookmarked it or saved it and now I can’t find it, but I won’t ever forget reading it.

 

It was quite shocking to me when I read the article.  I couldn’t help but wonder if it was possible that 80% of my kid’s daily interactions were negative.  80% ~ that seemed so high to me; only 20% of their day they had positive interactions.  I remember looking for the actual study or any other study that could help me better understand the daily life of our kids.  I also recall a profound sadness and a sense of “not my kids” feeling that came over me.  I just couldn’t believe the numbers. 

 

Then I thought about more.  If you really think about it, these kids driven by motor, oblivious to “normal” social clues, highly sensitive and intelligent, impulsive and ruminating little beings most likely don’t have many positive interactions during their typical day. 

 

I thought about my ADHD son who is in constant motion.  I imagine his day at his desk fidgeting with his pencils, colors and paper.  I imagine him lining up with the other kids, his squirming in line, never staying perfectly still and in “order”.  I imagine him touching everything within his reach, talking excessively when he isn’t supposed to, and his little mind wandering with each distraction that comes up during the day. Wow ~ I would bet that his interactions with others are more negative than a non ADHD child.  I imagine his teachers and other kids constantly telling him to stay still, pay attention, don’t do this or that, stop touching things, be quiet, and focus. 

 

I can easily understand and believe that 80% of my kid’s daily interactions are negative in nature.  But on the flip side, I can also do something about that percentage for my kids. 

 

As their parent I can lower that percentage by my own understanding and interactions with them.  I can help to educate others; teachers, friends, parents, and family with the understanding that my kid’s brains are wired differently.  I can advocate that different isn’t negative; different is truly positive.  I can discuss with my kids the interactions that they have that are not quite positive and help them understand ~ so they can help others to understand.   I can help them to understand themselves better and know that they are truly extraordinary, spectacular, and amazing children.

 

It is so important to advocate and educate others about how wonderful they can be.  Many times these kids get lost in the day to day.  Through our daily interactions with them and others, we can make a difference and turn that percentage around.   I make a difference, my kids make a difference, my clients make a difference, and you can too!

 

Namaste!

 

PS  If anyone can send me information about this research ~ I would greatly appreciate it! J

My present on my daughter’s birthday!

It is Saturday and I missed my Monday blog entry!  We were in Omaha for my daughter’s 11^th birthday and taking a mini vacation of sorts getting school clothes and supplies and spending time with relatives.  It’s always busy when we visit.  There are so many places to go and people to see that we get caught up in moments and time just seems to slip away while we are there. 

 

My daughter loves visiting and wants to move back every time we visit.  Then we come home to 10 acres of nature and all her animals.  Yes, she changes her mind and decides that we can have both.  This trip was especially interesting since we bought her school supplies and of course had that all too often discussion about idolizing Hannah Montana! 

 

One of the most important concepts that I can share with parents is picking and choosing the battles and staying the course.  Allow me to explain.  I have been having the Hannah discussion with my daughter for a year now.  Explaining how Hollywood isn’t real life and the importance of finding role models that are really making a difference in other peoples lives and becoming a role model yourself by being who you really are and standing up for what’s right in the world.  Also explaining the Disney machine and how the corporation is just riding the wave for as long as the wave goes on. 

 

Not an easy concept for a 10, now 11 year old, but she is beginning to understand as we walk through a store and find anything and everything that has Hannah on it priced higher than the same item that doesn’t.  It helps that she makes an allowance and can buy her own things.  And it helps that I teach her the amount of money she spends on Hannah versus non Hannah items.  I simply tell her the price differences. For example, a Hannah folder is 84 cents; a plain red folder is 34 cents; she needs five ~ She has $10 to spend and $5.80 left over if she buys Hannah folders and $8.30 left over if the plain red folders will do.

 

I must say that I was a little discouraged that the Disney machine won out when she decided to buy Hannah folders and notebooks.  But again, we keep teaching as parents and hope that the message is received.  We all know the feeling of disappointment when our children make choices that we know aren’t the best, but just as we did, they have to learn life lessons on their own for the message to finally hit home. 

 

Our children are listening and taking in everything even when we don’t think they are.  All our discussions and letting her have the final choice on the matter paid off.  She was listening and it’s these moments where we as parents are assured that in spite of a little frustration along the way, when push comes to shove, they will make a good decision based upon the information we provide them. 

 

My daughter stayed up late on the night before her birthday and was supposedly on webkinz world playing with her new dragon webkinz.  She did play with the dragon, but she also looked up Hannah on the internet and found the questionable pictures of her that have been in the news lately.  She was very upset and told me right after she woke up on her birthday that Hannah wasn’t quite what she thought she was.  She also decided that she wanted to take back her Hannah folders and notebooks because she didn’t like the pictures she found on the internet.  She cried and sat on my lap and told me I was right.  WOW, that was a tough thing for her to do.  Telling mom that she was right all along!   (YEA ME!!)

 

I told her that I was proud of her and the decision she made to take the Hannah stuff back since I knew it was a difficult decision for her.  I also told her that I knew she would make the right decision when she was ready to.  I explained that those pictures had been on the internet for quite a while, but I didn’t think she needed to see them.  She asked me why Hannah would take pictures of herself and put them on the internet.  I explained that we don’t really know who put the pictures out there, but once something is on the internet, it stays on the internet ~ an important lesson for everyone to learn!   

 

So in the end, she did listen and learn on her own that there are more important things in the world to be focusing on instead of her former idol Hannah.  We all wanted to be rock stars when we were young.  I remember standing in front of the mirror with a brush pretending that I was on stage rocking out!  I would bet you did too!  We all can’t be rock stars on the stage making music, but we are the rock stars of our own lives.  I like to teach my children to soar with their strengths and keep dreaming of tomorrow.  They are already rock stars in their own right, and so are your kids. 

 

Namaste!