Happy Mother’s Day!

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there! 

I can’t help thinking about all the mothers of these special needs ADHD kids this weekend. I wonder if any of the other mothers believe that spending Mother’s Day with your children really isn’t any different than any other day!  I just can’t help but think that Mother’s Day should be about spending time away from your children.  That would be a true Mother’s Day!!!   Spending the day shopping, at the spa, getting pampered, just being quiet, etc… 

I remember the last time someone asked me how many kids I had and I responded “Two, but they are both ADHD, so it is really like having four.”    People laugh when I say that, but I swear it is sooo true!  I love my children dearly, but they are high maintenance.  They are a lot of work. 

Mothers of ADHD kids need extra hugs.  It is a huge balancing act working with your ADHD child.  At any moment a crisis could arise that throws these children into major fits. 

One example I can think of is my 7 year old son and his need for  ”warm” clothes before he gets dressed every morning.  My son can kick up a truly major fit in the morning if I don’t warm up his clothes in the dryer before he gets dressed.    He just needs warm clothes to put on in the morning.  I get “it” and I warm up his clothes every morning.  And just by warming up his clothes I prevent a melt down AND a potential negative interaction.

I read recently that a “normal” child has positive interactions throughout a given day 80% of the time.   ADHD children have 80% negative interactions throughout a given day.  WOW.  Imagine how that child feels after one day of interactions.  80 percent…8 out of 10 interactions with others – children, teachers, parents, sibilings, etc…  8 times the interaction is negative in some way.  Wow. 

I can imagine my son’s day.  His ADHD in full swing…  I would imagine he gets told to sit back down in his seat a couple of times on the bus.  I wonder how many times his teachers tell him to stop talking.  He is a talker that child of mine!   I wonder how many times he steps over the line at recess?  I can just imagine him running down the hallway for the 50th time this year.  And I would bet he hears the word ‘focus’ a time or two during the day. 

Yes, I can believe that 80% of the time my children’s daily interactions are negative.  

When I put on my coach hat, I want to help parents work with their kids on increasing the positive interactions in their lives which in turn will help to develop a healthy self esteem.  When I put on my mom hat, I just want to cry because I know that sometimes when these children are growning up what “they” say is sometimes more important than what mom/dad says. 

So, when I warm up my son’s clothes in the dryer in the morning and other people look at me like I am crazy, or coddling him, well, so what!  It makes him happy and starts off his day in a more positive way. 

AND really, shouldn’t moms aways be in that 20%?? 

Namaste! 

It just may be better to be late…

There truly aren’t more frightening words to come from my son other than “You aren’t going to be mad at me are you?”  But just how I can be hearing those words so early on a Monday morning is beyond me. I would normally call this a good morning.  The kids got up, dressed, ate breakfast, and were ready for school in record time.  Actually we were early and they had a few extra minutes before we had to leave the house. 

AND therein lies the problem!  He had a few extra minutes to be free and unsupervised while mom helped sister with her hair.  It was pretty quiet, that usually is the sign that something bad has happened.  I call him so we can head out the door, and he doesn’t come.  Not too unusual since we have a 3 time call minimum.  I call the 3 times, and still no Trevor.  Hmmm, Intuitively I know that’s trouble. 

But looks are so deceiving when he is calmly sitting at the piano holding one of those silver magnet balls from one of those magnet sets he loves to build with.  He looks a little tentative when he tells me “Mom, these silver balls can break glass.” 

 

 

YES my blood pressure went sky high for a moment considering we were in the room full of windows!  I calmly ask him just how he knows those little silver balls can break glass (all the while scanning the windows!).  And then I hear those words, those frightening, scary, oh crap now what, words “You aren’t going to be mad at me are you?”.  

Breath in calm air, breath out apprehension….

So, the choice I have to make in those split seconds after hearing those words is do I laugh because I know he’s done it again, do I get angry because I know he’s done it again, or do I calmly tell him I won’t get mad because I know he’s done it again. 

So I tell him, “Of course I won’t get mad, how do you know the little silver balls can break glass?”  And he takes me over to the corn stove we have. (country thing ~ great heat)  And the glass on the front of the corn stove, the glass that withstands flame and heat so hot it could melt metal, is cracked all the way across.  And I ask, “How did that happen?”  And again, I hear those words that actually do make me laugh if for nothing else than sheer emotion anymore “Mom, you aren’t mad are you?”.  Hmmm, of course I am mad, but to him, me being mad is catastrophic.  So, no I am not mad my beautiful son, but isn’t it time for the bus?????   

These type of situations happen with ADHD kids all the time.  I can’t count the number of times I hear those words and get that apprehensive look from my son .  And as his mother, I choose how the interaction is going to happen…  Should I react with anger and aggression, he will react the same back to me.  That certainly doesn’t get us anywhere.  Should I react calmly and quietly explaining why we don’t throw little silver balls in the house anymore, and he will receive my message calmly and quietly.  (OK, he is never quiet, but I will take all the calm I can get.) 

The glass is already broken, there’s nothing that can un-break it now.  It’s going to be expensive to replace it.  The only good thing about it ~ spring is here and it was time to put it away for the summer anyway.   My reaction is pivotal to how both our days are going to go.  And my reaction is pivotal to his self esteem.  

Self esteem for kids with ADHD is a huge issue.  I believe it may be the most important issue they have to deal with throughout their lives.  It isn’t too difficult to find examples of what low self esteem gets these kids.  What is difficult to find is strategies to help raise their self esteem. 

As a parent, my goal is to raise kids with a healthy self esteem.  That’s a tough job, but I sort of signed up for it when I had them.  It’s like Randy Pausch said in his book “The Last Lecture”; you can’t change the cards you are dealt, just how you play them.  If I play them right, the rewards are plentiful, but if I play them wrong, the consequences are severe.  And we are all impacted either way. 

So, when my son breaks the glass on the corn stove, well, I react calmly and go with the flow and hopefully save a “hit” to his self esteem today!  And try and figure out just how I am going to tell his father about his latest mishap!

Namaste!

 

Expo – Part II

Happy Thursday!

 

Yesterday, I wrote about the attendees I met at the Health Expo, so today I will write about the people working the Expo.  I met some wonderful people!  

 

The first people I met were the nocirc.com (no circumcision) group who happened to have the booth right next to mine.  Needless to say, watching people read their sign was very interesting.  There was one woman I met there named Linda who was truly a wonderful person.  She was volunteering her time for the group, which is pretty awesome considering she was there all weekend.  The most interesting thing I learned was that Elvis was not circumcised.  Who knew!  Of course, my ADD mind had to ask how they knew that Elvis was not circumcised, and Linda told me that it was on his death certificate.  So know we know

 

John is a medical intuitive who scanned me while we were talking and told me that I had some liver issue, he asked me if I was hypoglycemic.  The interesting thing is that I had a MRI on my liver last month.  So, take that for what it’s worth.  Personally, I do believe that there are some people who vibrate at a different level.  John is certainly one of them. 

 

There were multiple people selling juices.  There were energy juices, vitamin juices, and cleansing juices.  I wondered what would happen to someone who stopped at every booth and tried all of them.  I would bet they were flying high!  There were a few juice sellers who wanted me to try their juice since it helped with ADHD.  It was difficult to determine what was what, since there are so many products in the health and wellness market right now.  I do like to fully check things out before I try them and I would never let the kids try anything unless I did it first.  

 

Other “helpers” for ADHD were chiropractic clinics.  I had one ask me if I would be able to come to their clinic and speak to parents about ADHD.  They are holistic and anti vaccination and medication type people.  I am pretty open to anything that works.  Since I haven’t tried it, I will assume that it works for some.  I won’t recommend anything I personally haven’t tried.  I will go and speak to their parents about ADHD and coaching.  

 

Another booth was a family newsletter/magazine that approached me to write an article about ADHD and parenting.  I am very excited about this one.  I love to write and empower others with strategies that help ADHD kids. 

 

I met a massage therapist who also wanted to partner up and refer back and forth.  I tried the massage table that they offered at their clinic, and I must say, without the distraction of the expo, it would be very nice indeed!  

 

A therapist also spoke to me about referring back and forth, which is always handy.  Since there is some confusion about therapy and coaching, it would be great to have another therapist to partner with when clients need more therapy rather than coaching.  

 

I also spoke to a rehabilitation place who was interested in ADHD coaching training.  They have experienced people in rehab that were also ADHD, and they felt some additional training was in order.  I couldn’t agree with them more.  There are plenty of addictions that go along with ADHD.  

 

I met a few other coaches, and they were very pleasant.  LisaKay Smith is a great person and she does relationship coaching and women specific coaching.  I would recommend her to my friends! 

 

Two other booths that were there are places that offer products and services that I equally enjoy.  The OM Center in downtown Omaha, and The Next Millennium.  The OM Center is a great place for relaxation and centering.  The back room is so full of positive energy, you never want to leave.  The Next Millennium is out west @ 93^rd & Maple also in Omaha and they have plenty of metaphysical products to choose from.  I always visit when I am in town! 

 

There were more people that I visited with, but the above were some of the highlights available for partnering up with other local “healers”. 

 

That’s it for today!

 

Namaste!